At Long Last...

... I have finally found the time to update our blog! I am so sorry its taken so long. Things have been very chaotic and changing from hour to hour lately.

I will start with saying that everyone is doing ok, that nothing bad has happened. I know I have received a few emails of concern and I just want to let everyone know we are ok. I am just tired! I have a very sore throat and a slight fever with aching bones. Nothing too worry some, just making me slower and more tired.

Barry's spirits, until today, have been quite down as well. His legs are very sore, and his good leg is tired from supporting the bad leg. He also had some swelling, and it was very uncomfortable with the pain and swelling to walk. Yesterday he cried from walking to the washroom and back. Poor thing. Its really terrible to see him in so much pain and not be able to do a damn thing for him. He has been keeping his legs and feet elevated, and the swelling has come down considerably in the bad leg and completely in the good leg. His boredom is driving him insane, and he is tired of sitting in the same spot. Thank goodness we have somewhat of a view out our window. Our last apartment in Hamilton had a brick wall outside our window. I try to keep his spirits up, buying him sherbet (he loves it) and trying to cook things he loves. Trying, not always doing so well lol. It breaks my heart when he cries, and I can only tell him things will get better so many times.

We had some good news today and minutes afterwards he said he was feeling more positive and emotionally better. That lifted a weight off my shoulders, because I was really starting to worry about him possibly being depressed. But could you blame him if he was? I certainly couldn't. I see every day how many things he can't do, and how many things frustrate him, and the amount of pain he deals with every day, and the thought that things might not work out that he struggles with. The amount of things I have swept under the rug, turned a blind eye to, or ignored to save Barry his dignity... things I can't and won't write about to not embarrass him, its a lot to hold inside. And that is just me, and I am not the one living through these things. I don't pity him, because that would not make Barry happy, but I feel a tremendous sadness for him, and I wish I could take it all away for him....

But I have gotten off track. Our good news. We had a call from the new orthopedic surgeon (Dr. Armstrong, the original orthopedic surgeon we met in the emergency room, is on vacation until next week, so we had to get a referral to a new one) Dr. Hoey (pronounces "who-wee") today and he has a date arranged for Barry's operation on his knee. He originally thought that a knee replacement would be the best option, and that it would give him the strength in his femur that he needs to be able to walk and prevent it from breaking. Dr. Hoey sent Barry's scans and reports to a Dr. Wunder (pronounced "wonder" which we find encouraging in itself!) who is located in Toronto at Mount Sinai hospital. He is more of an expert in this sort of thing, so they have decided not to do the knee replacement, but to do something they think will provide more support. They are going to "debulk" the femur of all the cancer they can (basically they will cut it out) and fill the hole that is left from that procedure with a bone cement. This is very strong stuff, and can also allow the bone, if it is not too badly damaged, to regenerate and heal. If the bone does not grow and regenerate, then the cement is strong enough to replace the bone he has lost. Then they will add a plate on the inner side of his thigh for extra support, and he will be able to walk again! They said he should be walking and the leg will be able to bear his weight possibly the next day, or at the latest, the day after that. The hospital stay would only be a few days, probably 4 at the most. This is very encouraging because anything else that previous doctors discussed would have a very long recovery time, and that is definitely not what we want. None of the procedures would completely rid the area of cancer, so we wanted the option that would have Barry back on his feet the quickest. So between Dr. Hoey and Dr. Wunder, we are very pleased with their respect for Barry, their team work, and the speed at which they are moving on arranging everything. Barry will be admitted to the hospital next Wednesday, the 7th of October, and the operation will take place the next day. I guess they want to do some scans and x-rays to figure out the course of action before they get in there. They also want to see if the tumour has shrunk, because Barry has had success with other tumours on his chest, back and arm that we could physically see.

I have so much more to write, and so many more things to tell everyone, but I am fading and am ready for bed. I have chills then I get so hot I sweat, and I just want to go to bed! 8:30 might be a record, but Daniel is home tomorrow and I know I won't get any rest between him and Barry. So I am going to take it while I can. Now lol.

Just before I go, I want to give a big thank you to Bieke today. She cooked us a lovely lasagna, and it was the perfect time to help us out! I didn't feel like cooking, and I made a pizza yesterday, so Daniel and Barry needed a good meal. Thank you, and it was delicious! It means a lot to us all, and I appreciate it more than you know! Your support, when others are having a hard time dealing with Barry's cancer, is so special and heart warming!

Lots of love to you all, xxxx.