A Few Ramblings.....

This weekend has been the worst weekend for me. I don't even know if I have truly digested the news, if I believe it, feeling like its all been a dream. Every moment, every new thing that happens make me think of the future. My heart breaks for Barry and for Daniel, my boys! I don't even think, that after a few days, my thoughts are clear. I apologise for the sappiness, sadness, and emptiness in my posts. I just can't swallow this news. I am also very angry. There are truly evil people, terrorists, murderers, monsters that would deserve this, not my Bear. Definitely not him.

One of the many things Barry has given me in our 12 years together is strength. I wish I was stronger, but after my initial meltdown, I am stronger, every minute, every day. And I can talk about this. I need to talk about this. I need to talk about other things than this. I may be a little distracted, but I am still me, Barry is still, well, Barry lol. So for all those that haven't called us, please stop being careful. Just call us. We are baffled that apart from Barry's parents, Barry's brother Steve, and one call from AJ, our phone has not made a sound!

Now that is off my mind, we can move on. lol

Tomorrow we are seeing Dr. Knight, the oncologist at Grand River in Kitchener. He is going to to over the new plan of action, discuss what the future holds, and what turns Barry's path is going to take. He will also let us know how the new lesions will affect Barry. Right now, the only symptom he has is limited mobility in one hand. When his arm is stretched out, palm down, he cannot lift his fingers up, and he also has a hard time gripping things. This could be due to the lesions. So far, no headaches, which shocked the doctors, but pleases Barry. We will update when we know more. But whatever the doctor tells us, Barry is determined to fight, to beat this, and to exceed all predictions.

On a lighter note, Daniel and I hope to make it to his school tomorrow, to scope the place out and possibly meet his teacher. Daniel has been wanting to go to school for about a year now, and finally its going to happen for him! He knows his teacher's name, and we visited the gated playground, and he can't wait until he gets to go properly. Although, he is most excited about bringing his lunch and bringing something for show and tell. We had to explain many times why he couldn't bring our cat Bella or his goldfish to school. Daniel is definitely going to keep us on our toes! lol He is so smart (sorry, but here comes some proud bragging haha) he can read, spell, write, add, mix colours (blue and red make purple, blue and green make aquamarine, etc) and he remembers everything! I know I am biased, but he is brilliant! :) School is going to be great for him. And really, it will be a nice break for Barry and I (although I am going to miss him like crazy)!!

Daniel has been affected by this, and we haven't told him much, but he picks up on our emotions. We are trying to keep this as normal as possible until Barry's treatments start and there is a noticeable difference in our schedules. We want to know exactly what we're dealing with and what is to be expected before we tell him much. Our cat Bella got sick a few months ago. She is 14 and Barry and I made the decision that at her age, if it was her time, we wouldn't intervene. It would be costly and tough on her. So we decided to tell Daniel that Bella was sick and could die. He was upset, but he was so kind to her, talking and singing to her when she couldn't be touched, bringing her treats when she was lying in the bathtub and not eating or drinking, ignoring her hisses when he approached. Then, after 2 days, she somehow pulled through and is now better than ever. So we made him so sad and upset and we needn't have done that. We don't want to tell him A B and C are going to happen and then D happens, but not A B or C! He is going to be upset, regardless, we don't want to confuse him.

If only there was a manual for all this lol I would by 10 copies and keep them in every room, the car, my purse, everywhere, for the moments I don't know what to do!!! And I assure you, they would all be dog eared, highlighted, and well read!

The reply to my birthday request from Barry has been great! People surprise me every day. Mom and Dad... always our support.... passing this along to everyone they could think of! Leah... your facebook request brought me to tears and was so touching. W... you know who you are... asking your family and friends, amazing! Funny how a lifetime apart has turned into a friendship! So I urge you to send your pennies and cards, and to ask your friends and family to join in this act of kindness! I am hoping for at least 50! That is the goal. Remember to send them so they arrive by September 11th!

Barry always tells me I am very wordy. When I look at these posts, I realise he is right! lol I guess if you are still reading this, you are ok with that haha. But now I should really go to bed. Our lovely little alarm clock Daniel sounds his chime promptly at 630 every morning!

So until tomorrow,
Sara xxx